Why?

Why?
Why?
Why?

You may find me asking that question quite a lot here...

Firstly Why the blog?

It's somewhere to vent my grief, my heartbreak, my anger, my frustration, my sheer desolation.
It's a story almost too sad for words.

Secondly Why Me?

Oh how I wish someone had the answer to that million dollar question.

And now that I am ready to start my story I am really not sure where to begin.

I am at home in bed, it's a Saturday afternoon. I have been home from hospital for 2 days.

I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl last Wednesday, only she's not here with me as she should be, she is in heaven and I miss her like nothing else on earth.

My heart is utterly broken.

But not for the first time, you see I had another beautiful baby girl 7 years ago, she is also in heaven and not a day has passed where I don't miss her terribly also.

How could this happen to me again? Why?

Today I feel the weight of a ton of bricks bearing down on my chest, I can hardly breathe, I can't stop crying. I'm going on a journey only it's not a new one and I know what's coming up around the next corner. I don't want to do this again, IT'S NOT FAIR!

I am tired and weak and oh so weary and I need to find some strength to cope from somewhere. It'll show up, it did last time. Just not today.