Hospital torture

Sitting in the hospital crying my eyes out. Discovered that in all my pregnancies infection has been present and a probable cause. I hadn't been told this before. It's too much to take in.
They have made a plan for future pregnancies - like they always do. But the plan never works does it!
And why oh why do they make me sit in the ante-natal clinic full of smiling parents to be? Do they wish to torture me even more?

Bitter/sweet symphony

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a high risk pre-pregnancy clinic. I'm already dreading going over my history. Hopefully they will keep me up to date with any developments that may prevent another loss in the future.

My husband was told by some friends this afternoon that they are expecting again. They were worried about telling us. I honestly mean it when I say I'd rather know than not be told and find out much later on. I'd even suspected as much but that didn't stop my heart breaking and my eyes shedding a few tears.

Life's such a mess at times. Your feelings and emotions just get so scrambled and confused. Bitter/sweet. Happy/sad. It's a fine line for me these days which isn't how it should be.

I'm going to the cemetery tomorrow - to take christmas cards to the graves. Maybe I'll see more clearly afterwards.