Babyfest

Yesterday found me at a party surrounded by gorgeous newborns - all adorable. I managed a weak congratulations to a couple of parents but i was fighting back the tears and couldn't manage a cuddle or to say anything else. I left the room and disappeared upstairs - shortly followed by hubby who'd had exactly the same thoughts as me :(

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letter of apology

Following on from my post about the midwives offering their congratulations... my sister complained to her health visitor about what had happened to me. My sister thought it was disgusting. I personally probably wouldn't have complained as it would have been too painful and to be honest I have more on my mind right now. However the health visitor reported back to the powers that be and I received a letter from the head of midwifery. The letter apologises and says she is taking this matter very seriously, the midwives involved have been spoken to and are extremely sorry (I already knew that) and she is working with all the midwives to ensure that this never happens to a bereaved parent again. For that alone I am grateful as there really is no need to make what is already a distressing time even more difficult. So to the head of midwifery - thank you.

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starry skies

I have been unable to write about the funeral service yet, it's too painful.
Meanwhile I have been trying to keep busy and the school holidays have meant I have a little man to entertain and his birthday party to organise. I break down often but it's in private and i seem to be managing to cope with day to day life without being a total wreck.
My son made me smile tonight. we looked at the sky and i asked him which 2 stars were his sisters and we chose two bright shining ones. As we walked towards the house he hugged me tight and told me I was his best shining star. A precious moment I will treasure i wonder if his sisters told him to say that? Oh gosh I am crying again, time to sign off...

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oops they did it again

Today, a midwife rolls up to my cottage, scales in hand ready to weigh my new arrival offering her congratulations and telling me how handy my new porch is for the pram! I burst into tears. Once was bad enough. Twice, surely not. A third time, is this some sort of sick joke??
She is lovely, mortified at her error, terribly apologetic and hugs me. I spend half an hour in download mode sobbing profusely.
This afternoon I journey to Mothercare to buy a tiny baby outfit so the undertaker can dress my little girl. I don't want her to be buried naked. i want her to be warm! The dress of course even though it's for a premmie is miles too big.
My son offers up a cuddly butterfly toy of his to place in the coffin and I give up the Mayan necklace I wore throughout the pregnancy to soothe her. I hope if she ever hears it jingle she thinks of her Mummy.
I also spent time writing a letter to my daughter which the vicar will read aloud at the graveside at tomorrows funeral.
My son has made two pictures today which we will attach to two helium balloons tomorrow and he will release them up to the heavens tomorrow for his two sisters.
Today was tough, tomorrow i know will be one of the saddest days of my life.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPad]