This just says it all

Ask my mum how she is....

My Mum, she tells a lot of lies,
She never did before
But from now until she dies,
She'll tell a whole lot more.
Ask my Mum how she is
And because she can't explain,
She will tell a little lie
because she can't describe the pain.

Ask my Mum how she is,
She'll say"I'm alright."
If that's the truth, then tell me,
why does she cry each night ?
Ask my Mum how she is
She seems to cope so well,
She didn't have a choice you see,
Nor the strength to yell.

Ask my Mum how she is,
"I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping."
For God's sake Mum, just tell the truth,
Just say your heart is broken
She'll love me all her life
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask her how she is,
She'll lie and say she's fine.

I am here in Heaven
I cannot hug from here.
If she lies to you don't listen
Hug her and hold her near.

On the day we meet again,
We'll smile and I'll be bold.
I'll say,
"You're lucky to get in here, Mum,
With all the lies you told!"

Auther Unknown

pregnancy envy

Ok I got it! I'm holding my hands up and admitting it. I truly feel sick in doing so but all these celebs parading their joyous news across every website, magazine and tv show in the last week has got to me today. I switch off at every opportunity.
I guess it doesn't help that I discovered once again that actually I'm not pregnant today.
Of course I can't tell anyone I'm jealous as anything that these people, that I hasten to add I don't even know, are going to be having babies soon enough. What kind of a person does that make me?
Human I guess.
Tomorrow I'll be happy for them, just not today.
Pregnancy envy is really not nice and I'm sorry I am but I just am.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPad]

Facebook

This week has brought 3 old friends who live a long way away to ask - 'how long have you got left?' via my Facebook wall.
I so wish I could say the couple of weeks it should have been but I private message them to fill them in.
A couple of months have passed but my due date is looming - already dreading that funny milestone.
As tears start rolling i'll sign off. I miss you my darling. Both of you xx

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPad]

the flow of tears

Sometimes I feel I spend all my time putting a brave face on it and then when I do finally start to cry I just cant stop.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPad]

Babyfest

Yesterday found me at a party surrounded by gorgeous newborns - all adorable. I managed a weak congratulations to a couple of parents but i was fighting back the tears and couldn't manage a cuddle or to say anything else. I left the room and disappeared upstairs - shortly followed by hubby who'd had exactly the same thoughts as me :(

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPad]

letter of apology

Following on from my post about the midwives offering their congratulations... my sister complained to her health visitor about what had happened to me. My sister thought it was disgusting. I personally probably wouldn't have complained as it would have been too painful and to be honest I have more on my mind right now. However the health visitor reported back to the powers that be and I received a letter from the head of midwifery. The letter apologises and says she is taking this matter very seriously, the midwives involved have been spoken to and are extremely sorry (I already knew that) and she is working with all the midwives to ensure that this never happens to a bereaved parent again. For that alone I am grateful as there really is no need to make what is already a distressing time even more difficult. So to the head of midwifery - thank you.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPad]

starry skies

I have been unable to write about the funeral service yet, it's too painful.
Meanwhile I have been trying to keep busy and the school holidays have meant I have a little man to entertain and his birthday party to organise. I break down often but it's in private and i seem to be managing to cope with day to day life without being a total wreck.
My son made me smile tonight. we looked at the sky and i asked him which 2 stars were his sisters and we chose two bright shining ones. As we walked towards the house he hugged me tight and told me I was his best shining star. A precious moment I will treasure i wonder if his sisters told him to say that? Oh gosh I am crying again, time to sign off...

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPad]