Paper Lanterns

We sent a couple of paper lanterns into the night sky recently - I hope my girls saw them. Love you my precious darlings.
Your brother spoke about you today - he misses you both so very much. I hope you are being good girls. Love always Mummy x

Cruel Reality

Tonight midway through a reality show on TV a Pampers advertisement came on.
I turned away from the TV as I felt that terrible pang in my heart. But the TV was reflecting in the window behind me and the music continued in my ears - by the time I could have reached the remote control it would have ended anyway.
Me, I just cried and my hubby came over and held me and I didn't need to explain why.

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This just says it all

Ask my mum how she is....

My Mum, she tells a lot of lies,
She never did before
But from now until she dies,
She'll tell a whole lot more.
Ask my Mum how she is
And because she can't explain,
She will tell a little lie
because she can't describe the pain.

Ask my Mum how she is,
She'll say"I'm alright."
If that's the truth, then tell me,
why does she cry each night ?
Ask my Mum how she is
She seems to cope so well,
She didn't have a choice you see,
Nor the strength to yell.

Ask my Mum how she is,
"I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping."
For God's sake Mum, just tell the truth,
Just say your heart is broken
She'll love me all her life
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask her how she is,
She'll lie and say she's fine.

I am here in Heaven
I cannot hug from here.
If she lies to you don't listen
Hug her and hold her near.

On the day we meet again,
We'll smile and I'll be bold.
I'll say,
"You're lucky to get in here, Mum,
With all the lies you told!"

Auther Unknown

pregnancy envy

Ok I got it! I'm holding my hands up and admitting it. I truly feel sick in doing so but all these celebs parading their joyous news across every website, magazine and tv show in the last week has got to me today. I switch off at every opportunity.
I guess it doesn't help that I discovered once again that actually I'm not pregnant today.
Of course I can't tell anyone I'm jealous as anything that these people, that I hasten to add I don't even know, are going to be having babies soon enough. What kind of a person does that make me?
Human I guess.
Tomorrow I'll be happy for them, just not today.
Pregnancy envy is really not nice and I'm sorry I am but I just am.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPad]

Facebook

This week has brought 3 old friends who live a long way away to ask - 'how long have you got left?' via my Facebook wall.
I so wish I could say the couple of weeks it should have been but I private message them to fill them in.
A couple of months have passed but my due date is looming - already dreading that funny milestone.
As tears start rolling i'll sign off. I miss you my darling. Both of you xx

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPad]

the flow of tears

Sometimes I feel I spend all my time putting a brave face on it and then when I do finally start to cry I just cant stop.

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Babyfest

Yesterday found me at a party surrounded by gorgeous newborns - all adorable. I managed a weak congratulations to a couple of parents but i was fighting back the tears and couldn't manage a cuddle or to say anything else. I left the room and disappeared upstairs - shortly followed by hubby who'd had exactly the same thoughts as me :(

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPad]